so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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