He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
