Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
