we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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