Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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