soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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