she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
