at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
