The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
