is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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