i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
