He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
