Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
