I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
do nipples grow back?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
