I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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