Moan for me like Helen Keller
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
