people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
