I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The adults are the big ones right?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
