he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
should my penis look like a turkey
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
