True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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