Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
