Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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