life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
