Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
