I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
