I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
