I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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