Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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