every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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