Soap is not a condiment
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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