so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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