Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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