Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
