Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
