OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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