get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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