so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
