I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
