I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
