I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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