i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she looked like the before picture.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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