I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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