Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
