Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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