hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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