remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Pants are for mortals
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
