Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
