why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
