boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
