I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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