Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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