No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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